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in_souciance
I suck, that is all.

I am sucking so bad right now. I am fucking up everything that I've already accomplished, I feel like I've gained weight back...I think I look fat. Like even though that sounds absolutely ridiculous, "I LoOk So FaT mfdakfjd"..Idk, I just feel like...a fucking whale today. I feel like I ate wayy to much, like I feel so full and disgusting, I hate my body right now.

I'm going to post some things that make me feel better, however, I'd LOVE it if some of you guys could give me some better thinspo..mine's getting OLD, and I seem to not find anything appealing anymore. I can't find what I'm looking for..kind of, I don't know. I'm being stupid and rambling..I'm dumb, LJ CUT BELOWW.

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UPDATE:

I have a new boyfriend; his name is Andrew, Andrew Owen. He's adorable. He makes me feel absolutely amazing and beautiful and he tells me that I'm the cutest thing in the world. Most of all, he tells me that I'm tiny. That's the best compliment that he could tell me, I feel kind of fucked up for thinking that.

I FEEL thinner, like my sides feel different to me and I can see a change in my collarbone. God damnit, I must hit 100 by the end of July. 4 pounds is not that much, but I've been lazy and have had no motivation due to the lack of criticism.


I feel really fucked up for what I'm about to write but;

My best friend and I had a 2 hour conversation about our bodies, and I realized that I think that she has an eating disorder. We both decided that we're not going to eat for a couple days and then weigh in and see the results. I feel excited because I feel like I have a "buddy" to do this with and I feel like I have someone close to me that I can relate to on a whole different level.

I am such a horrible person. I should sit here and feel horrible that I had a conversation about starving ourselves and it being a good thing. Ifeel like I should feel wrong about being excited.

I don't at all.
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So I thought that I was doing really bad, so I ate barely anything for 2 days, including today and I weighed myself and I've lost 2 pounds, I'm now 104. Still shitty and not my goal, but better then 106, 4 pounds away from 100 is better then 6 =\

So I think that when I work the next 4 days, I'll weigh myself on Saterday, considering I don't really eat anything when I work because I either don't have time or I'm just stressed out which is great for me. I think I'll just stick with liquids for the next 4 days and hopefully that goes good. It's like a pound to lose a day which isn't impossible..

4 pounds to go, wish me luck<3
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